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What To Say When Someone Tells You They Were Sexually Assaulted
What To Say When Someone Tells You They Were Sexually Assaulted
It is hard to know what to say when someone you are close to tells you they were sexually violated. Your response at that time can make a difference. Here are some thoughts to consider:
- Don’t judge. Survivors make an outcry when they are psychologically ready to do so. You should not press for details if they are unwilling to share. It is important to say “it’s not your fault.” They may feel ashamed, concerned that they won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be blamed. Leave any “why” questions or investigations to the experts—your job is to provide support. Let the survivor control the narrative.
- Be Affirmative. Acknowledge the trauma. Say the words “I believe you.” or “You can trust me.” Survivors often blame themselves even if they know the perpetrator. Words matter.
- Offer Help. Part of victimization is feeling helpless. Offer to accompany them to a Rape Crisis Center or go with them to report to law enforcement. The survivor might also need help seeking medical or counseling even if the event happened a while ago.
- Continue to care. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.
- Seek out resources. Become familiar with resources in your community (local Rape crisis centers) or on-line resources you can recommend such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673) and org.
The Law Office of Tahira Khan Merritt exclusively represents victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault. We stand ready to help you with your legal needs. If you were sexually assaulted or sexually abused, our law firm can help explain your legal remedies. For almost twenty years, we have represented victims of sex crimes in civil cases against institutions, including colleges and universities, religious organizations, such as the Catholic church, Baptist church, Greek Orthodox church, Episcopal Church, and Presbyterian church among others. We have also represented victims of sexual abuse in schools, youth sports organizations, youth camps, daycares, scouting and the like. You may confidentially contact our office at 214-503-7300 or through our website : https://tkmlawfirm.com/.
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Why “Window” Legislation Is Important For Texans
Why “Window” Legislation Is Important For Texans
Child Sexual Abuse is a National Problem.
A national survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control estimates 12.3% of female rape victims and 27.8% of male rape victims were first raped when they were age 10 or younger.[1] The fact is the majority of sexual assaults – some studies put the number at 60% – are never reported.[2]
What is the difference between civil sex-abuse litigation and criminal sex-abuse prosecution?
Civil claims are brought by victims against wrongdoers—perpetrators and enablers– to recover money damages for their injuries. Criminal actions are brought by the state to assess societal punishment against wrongdoers for their actions.
What is a Statute of Limitations?
A statute of limitations is the maximum amount of time allowed by law that a person can bring suit against any potential wrongdoers and enablers who caused or contributed to injury. While civil statutes of limitations can be retroactive, criminal statutes of limitations cannot. What this means is that once a criminal statutes of limitations runs out, even a guilty perpetrator cannot be criminally charged, thus placing more children in harm’s way. But again, importantly, civil statutes of limitations can be applied retroactively in child sexual abuse cases.
Civil statutes of limitations vary from state to state and from claim to claim. For example, limitations applicable to a lawsuit based on personal injury is different from one based on a contract disputes. To make matters more complicated, each state may have statutes of limitations set to begin “running” at different time periods, depending on the nature of the case. For example, some statutes of limitations begin to “run” at the time of the injury and others when the injury is discovered. In cases where minors are involved, limitations are “tolled” or suspended until minors turn eighteen. Finally, in some rare instances, statutes of limitations are indefinitely suspended due to the plaintiff’s incapacity or mental defect.
What is “Window Legislation”?
Civil statutes of limitations are created by state legislatures, so they can be changed. Thus, a legislature can enact so-called “Window Legislation”, which essentially allows a specified period of time during which civil claims that would otherwise have been barred by law can be brought to court. In other words, it allows victims who were abused as children access to the courts regardless of how long ago the abuse occurred.
Why Texans Needs A Window For Child Abuse Victims
Current Civil Statutes of Limitations favor the abusers over the victims.
Currently in Texas the civil statute of limitations extends five years after the victim turns eighteen if the injury is based on sexual assault. In other words, victims of sexual assault must file a civil suit before their twenty-third birthday. The reality is that most victims find the courage to speak out and confront their abuser only after the statute of limitations has run out. The consensus among experts in the mental health field is that child victims of sexual abuse frequently repress and suppress memories associated with the event until their adult years. Further, children who have been sexually abused are often not diagnosed with depression or anxiety until they are in thirties, forties and even fifties.
A Window protects potential victims by identifying predators.
Public disclosure in civil proceedings of previously unknown predators prevents other il proceeding prevents tir rther, children who have been sexually abused are often not diagnosed with depression or anxichildren from being abused in the future since predators usually prey on more than one victim. By bringing a civil claim and identifying a predator, a victim who was not able to bring criminal charges timely can still protect other children by the same abuser from committing additional sex crimes in the future.
Access to court offers closure for victims—and justice.
Law is designed to provide remedies– to right wrongs. A legislative window simply provides former child victims a specified and limited time period within which they as adults, can have access to the courts. The burden of proof in a civil case is still on the person bringing the suit to prove that the abuse occurred, that legal injuries resulted from it and that, in short, the complaint has merit and is not frivolous. Our legal system has procedural rules in place to discourage the filing of frivolous claims.
[1] Black M, Basile KC, Breiding MJ, Smith SG, Walters ML, Merrick MT, Chen J, Stevens MR. The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey(NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. Atlanta GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; 2011.
[2] Justice Department, National Crime Victimization Survey: 2008-2012
Questions to ask your lawyer
Questions to Ask When Hiring a Lawyer for your Sexual Abuse Case
Hiring an attorney for a potential civil case can be a daunting task for many survivors. As victims of sexual assault who were so badly violated and betrayed their trust issues with authority figures are understandable. They often are wary not only of lawyers but of the legal system as well. Nevertheless, they must hire a lawyer but importantly, one with understanding, knowledge and relevant experience to be an effective advocate.
Here are basic questions any sex crime victim should ask BEFORE hiring a civil attorney to represent him or her in the complex area of sex abuse litigation.
- Is the lawyer’s practice focused on or specialized in representing victims of crime or does the lawyer work on cases other than sexual assault such as car wrecks, trucking cases, criminal cases, family law, business litigation and other injury cases? What is the lawyer’s track record with her peers and former clients? Do they have a good reputation in the community? Is the lawyer licensed in the State where the crime occurred so they are knowledgeable about the laws there? Have they been disciplined by the State Bar organization?
Specialized experience as a crime victim’s lawyer is an important measure of effectiveness. You should research the lawyer by looking at her website, social media and local State Bar website to make sure that she specializes in the area of law you need representation in and that she is a member in good standing in the State where she is licensed. Representing victims of sexual abuse and assault is very different from handling car wreck cases and other types of personal injury litigation. Each state has different laws applicable to civil remedies available to victims of crime so it is important that the attorney is licensed in that state or has a reputable practice to associate
- Has the lawyer ever defended or represented organizations or perpetrators in a civil or criminal sexual abuse case?
You should inquire whether the lawyer is advocate exclusively for crime victims rather than someone who ‘works both sides of the fence’ and also defends institutions, insurance companies and sex abusers. Lawyers are ethically obligated to disclose any such potential conflict of interest.
- Did the lawyer take the time to listen to you? Were you asked detailed questions and do you feel comfortable with them?
Did the lawyer truly listen to you? It’s a matter of having a good heart-to-heart consultation to be sure you are a fit and that you can establish a trusting relationship. It is important to openly and confidentially share information so that your potential case can be properly evaluated.
Hiring the right lawyer to understand the complex legal issues involved in a sexual assault case can be an intimidating process, so asking the right questions help to build a relationship based on transparency and trust.
The Law Office of Tahira Khan Merritt exclusively represents victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault. We stand ready to help you with your legal needs. If you were sexually assaulted or sexually abused, our law firm can help explain your legal remedies. For almost twenty years, we have represented victims of sex crimes in civil cases against institutions, including colleges and universities, religious organizations, such as the Catholic church, Baptist church, Greek Orthodox church, Episcopal Church, and Presbyterian church among others. We have also represented victims of sexual abuse in schools, youth sports organizations, youth camps, daycares, scouting and the like. You may confidentially contact our office at 214-503-7300 or through our website : https://tkmlawfirm.com/.